True Tales From The Rocky Road To Health

This is HARD CORE...

Those are the exact words I said to my amazingly supportive husband, looking at him wild eyed as I put the finishing touches on our brave new version of lunch. How supportive is he, you ask? How many guys do you know that would voluntarily join their lady friend on a 21 day high dive into the insanity of total body cleansing? Ok, so this is LA --Pasadena still counts-- you probably know a lot of them. Its pretty much par for the course that if you are lucky enough to live here, at least one of your ex's still wakes up half cocked at 4 in the afternoon after partying all night on the strip (or somewhere close by), heads to Robeks, downs a shot of wheatgrass, grabs a smoothie to go, then hits the gym so he can look hot tonight while repeating the cycle all over again. Or...maybe that's...you? Ahh, memories...

I moved to sunny Los Angeles 10 years ago to..here's the funny part...get sober. It's true. After years of traveling all over the world as a model...and getting my heart ripped out by one of those boys that are so pretty they look like they should be in a museum--behind glass--and a very good security system--I returned home for Christmas a shell of myself. Of course, I thought I was totally fine... I mean, doesn't every 18 year old write anthologies of angry love poems, smoke 2 packs a day and switch from hash to espresso to cocaine when the sun goes down? Needless to say, my mom didn't agree. At all. I'd received calls from my agent in LA a few months prior while I was still overseas, so, mommy dearest (I say that with so much love in my heart. Honestly.) made some calls and I flew to the City of Angels immediately after the holiday. Two birds with one stone. I got to keep working and she got to save her daughters life. Not bad.

Goodbye Milano, hello California. I packed up my smokes and my journals and moved in with two gorgeous older women, who literally taught me how to breathe again. With one I cried all night, every night, for almost a year. With the other, I exercised like a maniac, cruised around town talking about finding peace, swallowed so much sushi it should have been illegal, and learned to take it all one day at a time. I'm still working on that one. But...they got me through. They were...are...fabulous women, who also happen to be committed vegetarians and SERIOUSLY earth conscious.

Now, I knew about being healthy and all that jazz... I may not have acted like it, but I had my first wheatgrass shot at 14, while my mom was fighting cancer. I grew the stuff for years. I drank carrot juice and ate salads in between the joints and the cocaine, so its not like I was in the dark about all this, but... they were HARD CORE. We saved tinfoil and plastic bags. We composted. We ate organic and I wasn't allowed to cook meat in the house, ever. Weird. But I got used to it, and then I got into it. I learned how to make killer salads and smoothies, how to take time for myself in a good way, how to live a life that wasn't going to kill me. I have to admit something, though. I never got used to the water saver in the shower. I just can't hang with that one. Shower time is sacred to me. Its this precious time when the world can NOT come in, when you are alone with your thoughts and your self, warm and clean and wonderful. It's like being in the womb, except I'm full grown and I'm not hearing voices or being poked at to get me to move so somebody can go "OH! I saw her kick!". So, I can't do it with the water saver. Sorry.

I have, after 10 years, finally made it to that word though. Standing in the kitchen this afternoon, while shaking raw vegan Parmesan cheese onto raw "mashed potatoes", which are really not potatoes at all but cauliflower put through the Cuisinart and warmed (NOT COOKED!) on the stove, I looked up in wonderment, my man and I locked eyes, I felt the crazies come over me, and I said with a little too much fervor, "This-is-HARD-CORE-- Seriously. We're really doin this..." His response? "Yeah, babe." Isn't he delicious?

Today happens to be day #9. Nine days ago we embarked on a 21 day cleanse. Its my husbands first ever. He's a cleanse virgin. I however, have done a number of really strict cleanses in the past and have been on this health journey kicking up dust for 10 years. I've done the candida cleanse and didn't lay a finger on sugar or my favorite appetite quencher--pasta--for 4 months. Of course I smoked the whole time, but, hey, I tried, right? Then a few years ago I was feeling particularly disgusting so I went to a doctor who sent me home with a billion tinctures and pills and again restricted my diet--no sugar, no soy, no cow's milk, no preservatives, yada, yada, yada... This time, I actually quit smoking, which is really good because I'm the girl who goes around telling everyone else how they can get healthy and how DARE they eat food that's not organic and then sit on the porch smoking my heart out with my chamomile tea.

I lasted eight months. Eight amazing months. My skin cleared up. My lungs stopped hurting. My emotions were so much more available, which is also really good because now that I am an actor you'd think I want that. Then it happened. I booked a movie. A really BIG movie. Half way through the shoot I freaked and bought a pack of smokes. Old faithful. I told myself I'd only have one. Every time I had one. I threw away half full packs at night, only to buy new ones the next day. I prayed. I begged. I swore I wouldn't touch them. I couldn't stop myself. That was over a year ago, and until 9 days ago, I smoked more every day. So...this is crazy. I'm doing it anyway.

By most people's standards, my husband and I are REALLY healthy. (Other than that nasty little habit.) We already eat primarily organic. We stay away from ultra processed foods and white sugar. We go to alternative medical doctors. I haven't had a soda in years. I thought I was healthy. So did he. WE HAD NO IDEA. An a perfectly innocent Saturday last month I got a random email from my yoga studio about a 21 day cleanse they were encouraging friends of the studio to do with them. My schedule is busy now so I don't have time to do the group thing, but it sparked an idea, which sparked a fire, which electrocuted the psycho health nut within and compelled me to say "I'm in!". Not only that, but I took it a further step, and sitting by the fire I read my love the email, told him he had two days to decide, and either way I was doing it. He took the bait. Yayyyyy! Two days later, on March 1st, 2010 we began the first phase of 21 days without animal products, sugar, stimulants, or alcohol. No omelets, no pasta, no chocolate. Ouch. More importantly...no cigarettes.

So here we are. Day 9. Each day is so new I can't recall how many changes I've been through in the last 9 days. I can't even begin to imagine what the next 11 will be like, but I'm going to write it down, I'm going to tell the honest truth. Because some days its easy, but some days its really freakin hard, and we're all just doing the best we can...