I miss mastication

I do. I miss it soooo much. Oh how I'd love to put a nice, fresh, dark, beautiful piece of kale in my mouth and CHEW! It's day 19 now. This final week has been the smoothie/juice only week. The last few days have been spent aching for the act of chewing. The final stretch is so intensely grueling, it's mile 24 of a 26 mile marathon. You know that you are so close to the finish line, but it would be so easy to just GIVE UP! "I mean really, who would care? No one would know, its not that big of a deal. I made it this far, I'm proud of myself, I can just stop now!...."

NO!!!

I'm going to do this. I'm going to make it. I've never whined so much in my life, but as long as my husband doesn't kick my whiny bottom out of the house before day 21, I WILL MAKE IT!! Even though I'm at the point that I'd REALLY rather just have water than pour one more smoothie-fied salad down my throat, I can get through these last two days. (My honey just brought me the only soothing thing in the world right now--fresh coconut water--he's on smoothie duty this morning--and it's even hard to swallow that!) I wanna chew, da da da da, keeps playing in my head to the beat of the I gotta crow song from Peter Pan... We're losing her folks, she's going down! Somebody call the medic!

Also...we're spending all this money on all this AMAZING organic produce from Whole Foods and it's just a travesty that I can't chew it. I can't taste each individual flavor all by itself, engage in every single bite. Feel the different textures on my tongue, and try to understand each flavor that hits me. Not fun for a foodie. Compared to this, weeks 1 and 2 were pure heaven. (Interestingly, though, in weeks 1 and 2 I craved cheese pizza. Thick, greasy, 2 pounds of cheese pizza. This week--I'm craving, drooling, desperate for some brown rice and beans. Is that too much to ask?)

I learned a lot in weeks 1 and 2. I actually spent a weekend in Vegas and managed to stay completely on this cleanse! That put some serious confidence in my willpower! Although I have to say I did NOT do this alone. Having my husband doing the same cleanse by my side makes it so much easier, I highly recommend having a partner in this endeavor. And more importantly--I started praying--A LOT! Pretty much every day, to get me through the day. No more leaning on food/caffeine/alcohol/cigarettes, so I found myself leaning on God. My definition of God. Which is so much better. I stepped back from my friends and work peeps, and spent a lot of time looking at what I put my energy into... not because I actively was trying to, but because letting go of all these foods makes you really sensitive. You just don't want to be around too many people. You realize how they affect you. Individually.

In a sentence... DOING THIS CLEANSE TAKES ALL THE MASKS AND MIND ALTERING THINGS AWAY, AND MAKES YOU EXACTLY WHO YOU ARE.

Scary.

It's funny how we're so afraid to be our real selves. To do something that would bring us closer to our real, authentic selves. Why does it seem so daunting? Why are we so scared of our selves? Maybe we think that our true selves are bad, or shameful, but I can say from experience now that our true selves are more beautiful than anything else on this planet. I'd rather be the unadulterated version of me.

Smoothie time...